Plum Zombie
by Peghead Flannaghann
Summary: Something isn't right in Plum Land. Join Stephanie Plum on her quest to work things out and conquer the necessary evils with the help of her sidekick, Lester Santos. No specific pairing as of yet! My first Fanfic, please read and review honestly. Thanks Svendances for being my Beta!
1. Chapter 1

**Plum Zombie**

When Stephanie Plum stepped out of the elevator on the fifth floor Monday morning, the first thing that struck her was a broom handle. It had been thrown across the room by one Lester Santos, not only catching her by surprise but in the chest as well. As she fumbled to grab a hold of the stick before it clattered to the ground she acknowledged one lonely little though.

This. Ain't. Good.

The last time a broom handle had been thrown at her there'd been a broom head attached and she'd been expected to sweep up the glitter spilled on the floor of the comm. room – don't ask, it's a long story. Suffice to say that some things simply should not be left in the hands of large, curious men.

Stephanie felt sure that if she'd taken a job at the button factory she wouldn't have to deal with having things thrown at her as she walked out of elevators, but then, she'd thought the same thing about taking the job at Rangeman before she'd started. Files, she could handle, she knew what to do with those. Read them. Or perhaps run a search. But broom handles? She sighed as the horrible pun slid through her head. She just couldn't handle that.

"Hey Lester," she called, holding the long, straight piece of wood above her head. "Your broom's broken."

"Good," Lester replied quickly, ducking under his desk and practically tossing things over his shoulder as he searched for some mysterious object. "It's balanced that way. More practical. A little fragile, but beggars can't be choosers. We'll find you something more suitable as soon as we can."

Horrified, Stephanie took two steps toward him, thinking that maybe he was having some kind of mental breakdown. Perhaps he'd been working too hard and his brain had simply snapped. Of course that theory suggested that the dear man had a brain to begin with, which, for obvious reasons, was questionable. She turned toward the bank of monitors in order to ask what was going on only to find it unoccupied.

A shiver ran down her spine.

Something was most definitely not right.

Dropping the stick, she hurried across the room to Lester, intending to demand answers from him this instant. By the time she'd reached his desk, however, that instant was over and a new one was already passing as well. Shaking her head, she grabbed his one shoulder that was sticking out from under the desk to pull him up to face her, but found herself sailing through the air, back toward the elevator.

"Fuck," Lester announced, staring down at her where she lay on the floor. "I thought you were one of them." He held out a hand to help her up. "Sorry."

"One of who?" Stephanie enquired as he hauled her to her feet and handed her the handle she'd discarded.

"Zombies," he said simply.

Yep. She'd been right. Lester Santos was out of his tiny little mind.

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**A/N:** Thanks so much for giving me a chance and stopping by to read my story. I will probably end up continuing it if the right interest is shown in it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The weird thing about skulking through the Rangeman building with a fairly useless weapon in hand was that for Stephanie Plum it almost seemed normal. Like habit. All she'd done was trade in her ammo-less gun for a broken broom. Oh, and she was accompanied by the presumably mentally unstable Lester Santos. He'd not offered much in the way of information regarding the supposed zombies that plagued the world, instead merely leading her through all the little passageways Stephanie hadn't even known existed in the building. She had no idea where they were going and was starting to freak out when they suddenly emerged in the parking garage.

Ironically, the usually full garage was completely empty, save two Rangeman issue SUVs and Stephanie's latest POS car, leaving her to wonder if it had been this empty when she'd parked just a few minutes ago. She was starting to feel paranoid, but like the skulking, it was commonplace for her and she'd found that if she wasn't paranoid, she began to feel paranoid that there was something she was forgetting to be paranoid about.

Lester lead her across the open space to a door she'd previously not realised existed. Probably, it was usually hidden by a black SUV, she thought. That and the fact that it seemed to blend well with its surroundings of grey on grey on grey; which was a welcome change from the black on black on black of the Rangman uniform, she supposed. As he fiddled with the combination lock, Stephanie acknowledged the millions of questions running through her brain that she'd been too freaked out to ask as of yet, worried that Lester might be in the midst of a psychotic break and respond well to questioning that may indicate that she didn't fully believe him. Now, though, she plucked up the courage to snag one out of the pot that was her head and verbalise it.

"Where are all the SUVs?" she asked. _Start small_, she encouraged herself, _test the waters._

"Gone," Lester pointed out the obvious, now pulling out his key fob and an attached dohickey she'd never noticed before. He peered closely at the small screen on the little device before returning to the combination and making a few more turns before the padlock came off and he was able to open the mystery door.

"I can see that," Stephanie said dryly.

Sending her a complicated look, with furrowed brows and confused expression he replied, "Then why ask?"

Shaking her head, Stephanie simply followed as Lester stepped into the dark beyond the door frame, pulling out her phone to use as a flashlight so she wouldn't stumble. A groan echoed from further inside the space and she made to lift the light higher in order to see who or what had made the sound. The next thing she knew she was staring blankly as Lester replaced the padlock on the door.

"It's been compromised," he informed her tightly. "We've gotta move."

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**_A/N: _**_Hopefully this chapter intrigues you a little more. Please review and let me know if it's something worth continuing._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Stephanie thought back over her morning as she was lead through yet more secret passageways (or perhaps they were merely passageways she'd never noticed before) and decided that the Rangemen must be playing a joke on her. Her drive to work had been hampered by the usual morning traffic, and she could have sworn that the garage was full when she drove in – otherwise she wouldn't have parked a million miles from the elevator.

As Lester paused at a particularly sticky door she attempted another question that had been spinning around her head. "How did you find out about the zombies?" she asked, hoping he wouldn't blow her – or her head - off for questioning him.

"Morning run," he grunted, heaving the door open to reveal a stairwell. Filled with stairs. Going up.

She sighed as they started their ascent. Her aversion to exercise had always proved a personal challenge when it came to the Rangmen. The men were constantly finding sneaky ways to incorporate unavoidable exercise. Like tracking a skip through school district at pick-up/drop-off time, so they had to walk at least a block in order to reach the criminal's supposed whereabouts. The key word here being _supposed_.

Puffing and panting with exertion, only one flight up, Stephanie delved for more information from her secret passage tour guide. "What happened?" Visions of the group of men Lester usually ran with being mauled by the reanimated bodies of townspeople filled the forefront of Stephanie's mind. Blood spattering and limbs flying as each man reached for their standard issue firearm and blowing the fragile bodies apart, only to succumb to their infection as wave after wave of the undead inundated them.

Lester began to slow his pace, noting the deep red blush rising on the woman's cheeks. "We were running like normal," he started. "Ranger, Tank, Bobby, Cal, Hal, Hank and me. As we were coming around the bend about to enter the oval they stumbled out of the bushes looking for food."

It seemed odd to her. Zombies stumbling out of the bushes in broad daylight. It went against black and white horror film law. But this wasn't the movies. This was real life. And she'd learned that real life rarely panned out like a movie.

"Next thing I know, I have my gun in hand an I'm running full pelt back the way we came, Tank and Ranger directly ahead of me, the rest directly behind." He fell silent a moment and Stephanie knew instinctively what was coming next. She stopped dead on a landing with Lester pausing halfway up the next set of stairs. "They didn't make it," he said softly, shaking his head and refusing to look back at her. "I was running from zombies and they were guys that I've been friends with for years."

The haunted tone in his voice sent shivers down Stephanie's spine. She started up the stairs in order to comfort her friend just has his phone rang out.

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_Thanks to all those who have reviewed or followed this story. It makes me feel so loved. Please continue to show your support._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Santos," Lester stated efficiently, putting the phone to his ear. All evidence of his morning horror was pushed from his voice. In the brief second the hpne had rung, the man had somehow switched from haunted and vulnerable to emotionless and in control. He listened a moment, still facing away from Stephanie. "Got it," he said, hanging up and clipping the phone back to his belt.

Stephanie hurried along behind him as he swiftly resumed his stair climbing. "Who was that?" she wondered aloud somehow managing not to be distracted by the sight of a well toned behind wiggling before her.

"Jarrod Farmer," he explained, not even out of breath – the show off. He's the head of Miami Rangeman. I sent out an emergency broadcast to all Rangeman receivers about the zombie situation the moment I got back to the office."

He paused a moment, swiping his fob in the card reader beside the door they had reached. Stephanie looked briefly around, realising they had reached the top of the stairs. Logic – that small part of her brain that picked up on patterns and significant details – told her that the door lead to the roof top. She gulped. Ranger had once informed her she was never to go to the roof unless it was an emergency. It's too easy a spot for snipers to zero in on.

When Lester pulled the door open, allowing the bright morning sunshine to stun her – she'd forgotten it was still relatively early in the day – and stepped through, she just stood there. Staring. Lester reappeared a moment later with a vaguely concerned expression crossing his features.

Stephanie shook her head as if in response to some silent question.

"You'll be safe," he said softly, giving her a glimpse of the caring friend she'd come to count on in recent years. "I promise."

"What did he say?" she asked, her voice no louder than a mouse's squeak. "Is it in Miami too?"

"No," Lester assured her, relief flooding his expression as she felt it tingling all the way to her toes and back. "That's where we're headed."

Blinking in surprise, Stephanie's question slipped past her lips before she'd consciously acknowledged it. "Via the roof?"

A racket erupted below them. Banging and moaning. Crashing and groaning. Something cracked. A muffled shriek. The smell of rotting flesh drifted up the stairwell, burning the hairs in Stephanie's nose as the sounds of stumbling, inaccurate footsteps joined the din.

The next moment, Stephanie found herself peering over the rail, down the many flights of stairs she'd just come up to the bottom landing. Thee, staring straight up at her, covered in blood and what might have been pus, his jaw slacked open at an unnatural angle, was Hector. She almost vomited at the sight. The only thing that stopped her was envisioning it cascading into Zombie- Hector's upturned face.

"Would you rather we go back down to join them?" Lester asked behind her, sounding just slightly amused.

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_Review to find out a little secret about this story that amuses me to no end._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Stephanie refused to take more than a couple of steps away from the door once she was outside, paranoid that despite the zombie situation, someone would attempt to shoot her down. At least, if she kept close to the part of the building that jutted up, she could run around the side for shelter. The downside to her decision was that she could hear the reanimated bodies of Rangeman employees – men she had grown to accept and maybe even love in a family sort of way – coming closer and closer to her. She held tight her broom handled, her knuckles going white as she wondered if she could bring herself to use it against her undead former friends.

After explaining all he knew about the zombies, which was practically nothing, Lester took up pacing around the perimeter of the roof, occasionally leaning over the side to assess the situation at street level more carefully with his mini binoculars. Every now and then he cross to where Steph sat with her back against the wall and listen at the door, checking on the zombies' progress.

"They're getting close," Stephanie informed him tensely as he came toward her once more. She wasn't sure how long they'd been up here, but it was clearly long enough for a bunch of stiff not-so-dead dead men to make their way up about seven flights of stairs.

"They can't get out the door without swiping a Rangeman fob," Lester assured her. "They don't have enough fine motor skills for that. Besides, Tank and Ranger should be here soon with the helicopter."

Stephanie looked up surprised. That was the first mention of a helicopter that she was aware of. And she also hadn't asked of Ranger and Tank's whereabouts since their brief mention before her first sickening glimpse of the zombies in the – rotted – flesh. Sadly, she'd assumed they hadn't made it back to Rangeman. That they were now one of the many undead that probably filled the town by now.

At that moment, the faint _diggadiggadiggadigga _of chopper blades slicing through air reached their ears, swiftly growing louder and louder until finally the helicopter was right above them. Staring up at salvation, Lester and Stephanie watched as someone leaned out the open side, a scope held to their eyes, before disappearing in the next instant. The helicopter began its descent and the pair on the roof pressed themselves to the wall behind them to ensure they were out of the way.

When it had touched down, the same man that had leaned out to check on them moments ago jumped from the craft and practically dragged them back with him. It wasn't until they were inside the helicopter and well on their way into the air that Stephanie had a chance to work out who was who and what was what. Tank was strapping her into a seat. She looked to the pilot as a helmet was plonked on her head.

"Woody?" she gasped.

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_Have I got your attention now? Don't forget to tell me what you think._


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Good to see you alive and well, Bomber!" Woody's voice boomed in her ear, cutting across the din of the helicopter above and around them. Stephanie felt sure she'd have fallen from the aircraft in shock had Tank not already secured her to the seat.

"We weren't expecting you," Tank added all strapped in beside her and stowing her broom handle behind him. She watched his actions closely, feeling that she needed to know exactly where her weapon was in case of an emergency. She'd grown attached to her piece of dowel and felt almost naked without it. A quick glance down just to double check that she was not, in fact, lacking clothes, and suddenly there was a torrent of male laughter in her ears.

"What?" Stephanie asked, utterly confused by their mirth in such a dire situation. She'd expected they'd be all business, barking orders at her and handing her guns she really didn't want to use. _Maybe that's why I like my broom handle so much,_ she thought to herself. It wasn't lethal, and she could easily paint it a pretty colour so it didn't look so out of place lying on the back seat of her car.

The laughter turned to guffaws, effectively blocking out the helicopter sounds all together. That's when she understood. She'd been thinking out loud.

Staring at her hands, folded in her lap as she waited for them all to regain their composure, she realised she didn't have her handbag with her. Stephanie thought back over the events in her immediate past, trying to recall when she last had it. It had definitely been over her shoulder when she'd arrived at the office. And as she climbed the stairs behind Lester. She must have left it on the roof.

"Don't sweat it, Beautiful," Lester said through the speaker system built into her helmet. "We can replace it all when we get to Miami."

"What if someone tries to call me before then?" Stephanie worried. "What if my parents are trying to call me to find out if I'm all right? What if they go looking for me when they can't get through? They'd be putting their lives at risk to find me, when I'm as safe as I can get."

Silence fell over the head sets as the men exchanged glances, Woody even going so far as to turn around in his seat to lock eyes with Lester and Tank. A sense of dread filled Stephanie's stomach that was not entirely related to the fact that the pilot was not looking where he was flying – and she'd though driving with Mary-Lou and her kids had been scary...

"Woody!" she exclaimed rather frantically, instead of acknowledging the real cause of her alarm.

Slowly – almost mechanically – Woody turned back around, easing the tight knot in Stephanie's stomach just slightly. They weren't going to die just yet.

Tank's calm voice erupted inside her helmet. "I bet that's where he disappeared to," he uttered.

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_Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews! I couldn't keep you waiting much longer for this chapter, so here it is!_


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